I Choose Us!

Yesterday, we went to a conference for engaged couples sponsored by NWA Healthy Marriages. The conference was called "I Choose Us" and was held at the Clarion Inn in Bentonville, AR from 9:00am-4:00pm. This was an awesome event that taught us so much on how to build and sustain a healthy marriage. The conference was divided into five sessions: Marriage Expectations; The Reactive Cycle; Communication; Breaking the Reactive Cycle; and Sex, Money, And the Honey-Do List. We learned so much in every session.

In the first session, we discussed our expectations for one another once we are married. These expectations can be on any topic from household tasks to marital roles. The speakers were very engaging and challenging. They provided us not only with insight into discovering our expectations, but also with valuable exercises that taught us how to discuss and approach these expectations. By doing so, we are able to go into our marriage without unrealistic expectations, and thus prevent a lot of miscommunication and potential conflict.

The second session, called "The Reactive Cycle," focused on the sources of conflict and conflict resolution. The reactive cycle was a very interesting concept. Through this session, we were able to learn what issues were highly sensitive to the other. When these issues, or "buttons," are pressed, we react in negative ways. These reactions oftentimes press one of our partners "buttons," causing them to react, thus creating "The Reactive Cycle."  We understand now how easy it is to slip into this cycle. By understanding how we typically react, we can better understand each other and hopefully change our actions.

The third session on communication focused on several key communication issues. These included: feeling listened to, the ability to ask for what you want, the ability to share negative feelings, whether or not you refuse to disucss problems, satisfaction with how you talk to each other, and willingness to share feelings. We learned many things about ourselves, including some key individual growth areas. One thing we discussed was speaking assertively, rather than hinting around about your real message. This was very helpful, and we hope to put this into practice immediatedly. Communication is such a vital component to a healthy relationship. Did you know that over 60% of the message you send is through your non-verbal clues?! We are going to try hard to improve our interactions with one another.

Session four was good information on how to break out of "The Reactive Cycle." There was really no new material covered in this section. Rather, we discussed how to effectively implement some of our communication and conflict resolution tools in order to break out of the cycle. This was a great session.

The last session of the day was reserved for the three hot button issues surrounding premarital couples (according to the speakers): Sex, Money, and the Honey-Do List. This was a quick session covering a lot of information. We disucessed the role of sex in the marriage. We discussed our bend toward spending or saving. We discussed household roles of the husband and wife. We discussed so much information, my head is about to explode thinking about it. This is a session we are going to go back and work through again. Because there was so much information, we were unable to grasp it all in our short time on Saturday. We are looking forward to hammering this information out.

We had so much fun at this conference. It was a blast to attend and was filled with vauable information. We would recommend it to any premarital couple who is looking for fundamental tools to build a healthy marriage. So much information was covered that we still don't understand it all, but we are looking forward to spending time working through our materials again.